I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
