ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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