My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize