no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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