I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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