Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
