Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
