sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
