So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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