my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Life is so much better after having sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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