I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
