I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stole a fireplace last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
