dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
