i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i have two assholes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize