I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
