her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
