Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
