i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
