he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
