hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
