how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
