bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Success! We fucked roommates!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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