Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
