please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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