Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
