I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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