He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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