remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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