Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize