Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
