oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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