I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
