Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
