Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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