It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
