I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
