elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
