Only a mothe r could love this liver
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
