Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
