New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
