I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
