this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
