sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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