Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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