Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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