Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
