So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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