It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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