you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
