I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
