Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
