my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
