C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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