I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
