she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
