soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize