Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
