Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Farmville is her only friend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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