so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
