Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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