WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
