just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
