Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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