Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
