and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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