He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
