Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
