I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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