I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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